Today’s MotivationΒ 

Yesterday I had an appointment with a neurologist to see about the problems I’ve been having with my leg!  

After sticking a few pins in my thigh and not being able to feel it – I could on the other thigh – he diagnosed Meralgia Paresthetica, which is compression of the lateral femoral cutaneous nerve – apparently! 

 He thinks it should fix quite easily, he has a few things he can do – the first one was a nerve block injection, which I had yesterday, then it will be medication, and finally a small op to remove the nerve.

Pretty much as soon as he gave me the injection, it started to feel better, not perfect, but certainly an improvement so I will take that.

When I got home – being a geek – I looked it up! Other suggestions included wearing looser clothing, losing weight, and certain strengthening exercises.

So that’s my motivation! If losing weight and exercising will help reduce the pain in my leg, I will do it. I actually enjoy exercising, just got myself in to a really bad rut at the moment, and hoping this is the kick start I need to get me back into a routine.
I got up this morning, did my workout, had breakfast, and then went for a walk. All a good start. And I’m determined to keep it up! I had also said to hubby that I’d noticed my leg had got worse since I’ve been back to work and not exercising – so I know it will help.  

And I had my first weigh-in after starting my 21 day of not eating rubbish – and I’d lost 4lb. YaY me!   

This is the frame of mind I need to keep! Positive, active, healthy! It’s all going to help!
πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

In a Proper Strop!

I’m in a proper strop with myself this weekend.  I’m not used to not being able to do everything and I’m struggling just now.
Before I went back to work, I’d got in to a nice routine – getting up early, doing some exercise, either strength training or power walking, doing a bit of housework, watching some quizzes on TV, and cooking healthy meals, and I felt good, and was getting stronger by the day, sleeping properly and generally happy.
But being back at work has completely floored me.  I’m shattered, especially now I’ve finished the phased return and am back full time.  I’m not doing any exercise, and I’m eating crap, and feel crap.  
Now I do know it’s going to get better, but it is so frustrating, and I’m feeling really fed up about it all.
But time to think positively!  I know I’m not ready to run yet, but the strength training was really helping – I’ve noticed my leg is a lot more painful since I’ve stopped, so I need to get back to doing that regularly.  

And I need to get back to eating healthily – so I’m going for a kick start!  This is my next three weeks.

  • No sweets
  • No cake
  • No chips
  • No white bread
  • No fast food
  • No chocolate
  • No ice cream
  • No crisps

I’ve made a nice big salad for lunch tomorrow, I have brown bread ready for my breakfast, and I have enough quick, healthy meals I can fall back on to get me through the next week.   They need to be quick so that I can do my exercises when I get in from work, and still eat before it gets too late.  
This is the plan anyway………
πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

Lessons Learnt

I’ve been reading a couple of “Celebrity” books lately!  Celebrities sharing their struggles & how they’ve coped with certain things in their lives, and a few things have struck a chord! 

The first one – don’t judge people, don’t comment on something you don’t like, if you don’t like it, keep your thoughts to yourself!    You don’t know how that person is feeling,  and a negative comment from you could be really hurtful!   

Now I’m not one to comment very often, I know I would be distraught if someone said something horrible to me, but in my mind, the thoughts are there sometimes.

And I remembered this when I was travelling to work today.  I saw a young lady, dressed very smartly, wearing a trouser suit – and shiny silver brogues!  And my first thought wasn’t very nice.  But I pulled myself up about it, and thought differently.  Actually – good on her for liking something out of the ordinary, and for having the confidence to wear them.

The second one – pay people random compliments – it’s a nice thing to do, and will make you smile, as well as the person you are complimenting hopefully.    This one I’m going to do more often, I like this idea very much.

And the third one – love your body!  Not in a superficial way, not how it looks, or how clothes look on you – although if you’re happy with this, then go for it.  But in a deeper way, love how your body works, what it does on a daily basis, how it adapts to all the different things you throw at it, how it copes with illnesses, and operations, and pregnancies.  How it gets you through bad choices – when you neglect it, and eat rubbish, or smoke or drink. 

I felt like this a few years ago, when I watched how amazingly my body healed after having an operation, how I grew stronger every day, and got back to my running, and back to normal.  I have however forgotten how amazing it is recently, feeling quite sad about what I can’t do just now, and I need to remember what I have been through and how much progress I have made.  
One of the suggestions was to write a letter entitled “Dear Body….”  and write down exactly what you are thankful for!   That might just be my next post ….

Until then – be nice, be happy, and share the positives.
πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

Walking before I can run! Β Literally!Β 

So this weekend I’ve finally come to terms with not being ready to start running again!

I was struggling with the C25K while I was still off work, but now I’m back – its way too much.  It had taken me 7 weeks to get to week 3 on the program.

This last weekend, I’ve done nothing!  We went for a walk to my happy place on Friday (the seaside) and that’s all!  The rest of the weekend, I’ve slept, eaten, and watched TV.  And that’s after 4 weeks back at work part time.  It’s just going to get harder – it’s my first week back full time next week!

I’ve also got the added extra that my leg is dodgy, and I’m not sure I should be running with my tender kidney!

I’ve got my first appointment with neurology on 29th April – so will hopefully have some sort of idea what’s up with my leg after that, and I’ve got my next appointment with Nephrology on 9th May – so will ask then if I can actually try running again.

Until then – I’m going to concentrate on getting back to work, and if I have any energy I will do some strength training as that was helping when I was doing it regularly.

I’m also going to be as good as gold with my food – no emotional eating just because I want to run.

And I will try really, really hard to control my running envy and not snarl at the runners going past my window!
πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

My Secret Place!

I’ve been trying to work out why I started writing here!  I’m a FB addict, and put my life on there, or a lot of it anyway.  I love to share.  Everyone knew there was something up when I stopped posting for a few days and worried about me!  So why do I need to do it here too?

I think its because I need a secret place to tell my story, I haven’t told anyone I know about my blog, other than hubby, and only told him two days ago!

Some  of the things I have been through, and some of the things going on in my head – I’m not ready to share with my family and friends, they went through enough without me putting them through more.  Now don’t get me wrong, they are there for me, but I want to protect them I suppose.

They tell me little things about how they felt, and what they did, and I know how much they love me and worry about me and I want to protect them – so just for now – I’m not going to share my thoughts, some of which would get me sectioned, and I will continue posting here, telling my story, both the good and bad bits.

And continue to be shocked that people are already reading this!

 

Thank you for that πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

My true love!

I have realised that my first two posts have been a bit negative, and I’m really not a negative person!  Quite the opposite actually!  I can find a positive side to pretty much anything!

 

So today I’m going to tell you about my true love!  Running!

 

I discovered running 11 years ago!  I’d lost a lot of weight swimming, and wanted to try something different!  So I tried running!  It was before the days of C25K’s, so I started off running between lampposts & fell head over heels in love with that magical feeling.

 

Since then, I’ve ran on and off with random breaks, but always missed it enough to want to get back to it!

 

I’ve entered a few 5k, 10k races, and one half marathon!

 

And now I’m attempting to get back to it, after almost 6 months – the longest break I’ve ever had – and I have missed it so much!   I’m having to take it really slow, I’ve been following a C25K for 6 weeks now, and I’ve just done week 3, day 2 – so that’s how slow I’m progressing.  Oh but what a feeling!  It’s the toughest thing ever, but so good to just run for 3 minutes!

 

So – running to me!  It’s my time!  When I’m out there, I’m not a wife, a mum, a colleague, or a worker, I’m not a daughter or a friend, I’m just me!  Sometimes I run with music on, and get lost listening to my favourite songs, other times – mainly when I run early in the morning – I listen to the world around me, the birds tweeting, the breeze rustling through the leaves, the distant hum of a lone car.  I get lost in my thoughts, I put the world to rights, I run off my sadness, or I concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, or I run just for the pure joy of it, or because the sun is shining! (Although I do love to run in the rain!)

 

I’m never going to break any records, I’m a plodder, and now with my dodgy kidney, it’s highly unlikely I will run the marathon I had always hoped to one day!  But I will continue, and I will get back to running 5k again on a regular basis, I love it too much to stop!
πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

Today I cried!

So today I cried, then I cried a bit more, and just in case I hadn’t cried enough – I cried some more

I cried because I was tired

I cried because my leg hurt

I cried because I’m struggling with work

I cried because I have Lupus

I cried because I will most probably never run a marathon

I cried because I ate too much chocolate yesterday

I cried because I was frightened on Thursday as I had fluid retention.

I cried because I was fed up

I  cried because I want to be normal again

I cried because all this crap happened to me

I cried because it was sunny and I can’t sit out in it anymore

It was needed!  Hopefully I’ve now got it out of my system till the next time I have a meltdown!

πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

Today’s a bad day

So!  Today I’ve woken up in a lot of pain!  My legs are hurting, my boobs are, my teeth are, and I’ve got a headache!

I didn’t have to get up till 10am today!  But no – 6am and I was wide awake.

I know what’s up!  I’m going out this evening!  My old manager is retiring and we are off out for a posh meal!  And I know I will have a lovely time, but ever since I’ve been ill, my confidence is shot!  And I’m all of a dither about meeting up with people I haven’t seen for ages and being in a social situation again!  And having to stay awake past 9pm!

Completely and utterly stupid I know, but that’s me just now!

And the way I will cope with today!  My makeup will be as good as it gets, my hair – well not much I can say about my hair – I will make the most of it, and I will eat my way through today!  I did a quiz once that said I wasn’t an emotional eater!  Yeah right!!!
πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

A Bit About Me!

26th March 2017

Up until last October, I was quite normal!  I am married, we have one son, almost 2o years old.  I have a full time job which I love.  I try and eat healthy most of the time & I loved to – that was my thing!  I’d tried lots of other different things, but soon became bored – running is the only thing I’ve stuck with for so long (about 11 years now) .

Then bang!  My whole life was turned upside down!  I was admitted to hospital with water retention- I’d put on 20lb of fluid over the weekend, and figured I should get it checked out!   I was kept in to have a kidney biopsy to find out what was going wrong!  This all went to plan, but afterwards it wouldn’t stop bleeding! Three ops, and four days later, I had one kidney less, and the other one wasn’t working anymore & I was put on dialysis.    Had a couple of blood transfusions as I lost so much blood, and hubby was told a couple of times I wasn’t going to make it.

9 weeks later,  I’d had numerous infections, an allergic reaction to antibiotics which resulted in me getting Steven Johnsons syndrome (a life threatening skin condition which resulted in me shedding my skin), pneumonia, c-dif, I’d been in ICT, HDU, and several other wards in between.  I’d lost 2 stone in weight (as well as the 20lb fluid) , and lots of muscle wastage, could barely walk with out sticks, and I got to go home the day before Christmas Eve!

The last few months have been spent building my strength back up, and try to get back to normal.  I have now been diagnosed with Lupus, and am constantly at the hospital seeing one consultant or the other – they are treating me with kid gloves as I went through so much while in hospital.

And now I’m starting back to work, and trying to run again.

This blog  will be my ramblings – happy and sad,  my feelings and thoughts.

I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I’m going to enjoy writing them.

 

PS I’m not a writer, I’m not particularly witty or entertaining- and this could end up very boring – I’m just me 😊
πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™