15 stone 10lb.
3 stone 10lb to goal
No weigh in
No weigh in again this week. I did have every intention of going! Woke up 5 minutes before my alarm, went to the loo, got back into bed, and don’t remember a thing for another 2 hours.
My head is all over the place this week, I think I’ve had too much time on my hands to think.
I know it’s most probably down to me not feeling well, but the ever so wonderful depression is sneaking in again.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I haven’t got the energy or strength to work full time, and live.
For the last year all I’ve done is go to work, and sleep. I get up, go to work, come home, eat, go to bed, and that’s it. Weekends aren’t much more exciting. I go out for an hour or so Saturday morning, make some soup or do some other food prep on Sunday, possibly go out for a walk to our local park and that’s it.
I’m not sleeping properly, even though I’m so incredibly tired all the time. I’m in constant pain, it hurts to sit, it hurts to move.
I’ve tried this for almost ayear now, and it’s not getting any easier, if anything, it’s getting harder.
Now I know all this is due to my Lupus, even the depression comes with it, but I don’t know what to do about it.
I can’t give up work, and I’m not sure I want to, but I certainly don’t want to just work.
I know it’s tough on hubby too, he doesn’t know what to do to make it better for me either, and he worries so very much about me, and I don’t want that, so I’m not talking about it much, trying to hide it, but he sees the pain in my eyes when I stand, or sit for too long.
I figure I need to go and speak to my doctor, see what my options are, but that also feels like admitting defeat, admitting that I can’t cope, and I’m a stubborn madam, I don’t want to give in.
Sure all will be fine once this virus clears properly, but I do need to shake myself up a bit.
Anyway -till next week