A Positive Week Needed

Had a bit of a crappy week last week! Had a really upset tummy, and very little energy or motivation!

Worked from home all week and pretty much avoided as many people as possible.

Had some tests at the doctors, and just waiting for the results to see if I have an infection or not! Because of some of the tablets I’m on, if it is an infection, it will floor me! Such fun!

Anyway – my eating wasn’t completely on plan, didn’t eat anywhere near enough fruit and veg, and had two takeaways. I did pick the “healthy” option though, so a small victory there.

I was dreading Saturday but I actually lost a 1lb! More than happy! Definitely felt like I’d been let off with that one.

So off I went to get my hair cut, happy as a happy thing, and my hairdresser worked his usual magic on me. I always without fail feel gorgeous when I leave him, even if that feeling only lasts a while, it is such a good feeling! I’ve gone blonde as well, which is a bit of a shock, but hey, I’ve never been known to stay the same colour for too long!

This week – I’m going to make a really big effort! Food will be good, I will go into the office, and get some extra steps in, and I will stay as happy as possible!

I’ve had a bit of a tidy up too! Cleared some more books away, cried a bit when I put my running books away, but I will get them out again one day, I have to, I can’t think that I will never run again.

Looks like we are about to go into autumn very quickly, weather is horrible, but that just means snugly nights, and warming casseroles, all good!

And fingers crossed, my bug doesn’t last much longer!

Have a good week everyone

πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ

Advertisements

Welcome to September!

First things first! Two weeks in to Slimming World and I’ve lost 8lb! Got my first half stone award! And I couldn’t be happier about it!

It has been relatively easy! During the week we are keeping it very simple, ready meals and jacket potatoes! Weekend I’m cooking meals! They have been so simple, and tasty! And hubby is happy with it too!

The rest of the group, are really nice too, can see me making some good friends there!

I’ve also started a “September Self Care” month with a Lupus site I follow! There’s a new “challenge” every day designed to look after and love yourself. I like this! Could be a bit rough some days though, but I’m really going to try hard.

http://www.spoonietalk.com/self-care-september/?utm_campaign=shareaholic&utm_medium=email_this&utm_source=email

Struggling with my health just now though – that sounds a stupid statement as I struggle every day with the Lupus – but this is more. I’ve got such an upset tummy, have had for a week now, and this weekend has been awful! Going to work from home tomorrow and get an appointment at the Docs! Sure it’s nothing to be concerned about, but just a little niggle in the back of my mind is thinking it’s the Lupus attacking another part of my body! So I just need to check it out for reassurance if nothing else!

Anyway – hope you all have a good week!

Much love

πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ

This one is for my boss!Β 

I was out for a meal with my boss the other evening and we were chatting. 
 He asked if I planned on getting back into my boxing? 

 I laughed! I barely have the energy to walk to the bus stop and back every day! 

I was telling hubby how funny I found this, and he pointed out that I don’t actually tell anyone how bad I am, so how is the boss supposed to know!   

He’s got a point! So here goes! This is how my normal day goes!  

I get up and I’m tired, not just normal tired, but completely and utterly. I’m in pain, my hips hurt, my knees hurt, I’ve slept, but a disturbed sleep, as when I turn over or move, something hurts and wakes me up!  

I normally take pain killers with the rest of my daily tablets, just to ease the pain enough to get me ready.

Most days I get the bus outside ours, as the 15 minute walk to the main bus stop wears me out. But if it can’t be helped, if I have to go in early, by the time I finish the walk, I’m melting, and tired, and feel sick.

The next thirty minutes bus ride are spent drinking water and cooling down before getting to work.

During the day, I seize up from sitting, and have to get up to walk. 

Or my brain stops working – the brain fog – and I have to sit quietly and try to focus, just to remember what I was doing before I had my blank.

 I don’t have the energy to walk into town at lunch now, and try to avoid the heat as much as possible anyway, as that just floors me.

Then I’ve got to do the home journey! Most evenings by the time I get home, I want to cry I’m hurting so much, I have to go up the stairs on all 4’s as my knees haven’t got the strength to get me up them.

I sit and eat my meal, and am normally in bed by 9pm, all ready to start again the following day.

By the end of the week I’m beat.

My weekends are spent relaxing, I will get the bus up to our local shops for some bits, but I’ve had the online shop delivered with the majority of the shopping.

On top of this, I have my dizzy spells, and migraines, and horrific mood swings, with depression.  

And that’s about it. That’s my life now.

Not much of one, but I try and make the most of it. I’m lucky as most of the time I’m happy as long as I’m with my hubby, but sometimes it’s frustrating.  

This weekend I’d wanted to go out for a while, just to our local beach, but I’d had a bad week, so didn’t have the energy, and had a bit of an upset tummy.

I am hoping that it gets better, I’m hoping as I lose weight with eating healthily, I will get a bit more energy, and possibly start walking more.  

And my ultimate goal is to get back to running, but I think that’s a long way off yet.

In the meantime – I will keep going, keep quiet, and remain my normal, happy self, keeping my meltdowns till I’m home.

πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ

Taking Some Control Back!

It’s been a messy few weeks! Β Getting back to work after our holiday, putting more and more weight on, being incredibly busy and unbelievably tired.

I’ve struggled!

But I’ve decided I’m not going to let it get the better of me!

Time to get back to being as healthy as I can.

I’m always happier when I eat well, and I’m hoping as I lose weight I will be able to exercise more, and I’m definitely happier then.

I’ve Β done a bit of research into eating for Lupus, and your bog standard diets out there. Β I know I’m not strong enough emotionally to do this on my own, so had to find a group that was as close to what I needed as possible and Slimming World seems to tick most of the boxes.

I’m “lucky” as I’m over weight, my Doctor referred me, which means I get 12 weeks free membership, and I’m hoping in that time, I get my head round it properly and get into a routine, and most importantly fall in love with it, and the benefits it offers me.

Thats the plan anyway.

I went to my first class yesterday, had my new members meeting, got all my information, and got weighed. Β Set my ultimate target, and my 10% target, and went on my way. Β Nice group, everyone seems friendly, and of course, all there for the same reason.

This week is a bit of a convenience week – lots of SW ready meals, just to give me the time to prepare, and read up about it, and prepare my menu for the week.

I’ve done that this morning, spent about an hour going through my books, and looking online and I now have a full week menu, ready for my online shop on Wednesday.

First impression – I can eat an awful lot!

Been out out for a walk too, for about an hour, I need to be more active! Β  But small steps!

πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ

Up and Down

Well, after a sh*tty few weeks at my lowest for a long time I made an appointment with my Doctor, I’d spoken to her on the phone the day before – so she knew what to expect, and she had the tissues ready.  I sat and sobbed, I let it all out, how fed up I am, how annoyed I am with myself, all that crap I’ve been through and now I get depressed!  But I jut don’t know how to get out of this mood, I’m tired so I can’t run, I don’t actually want to walk much, never mind run, I’m crying constantly, I’m eating my way through it, I’m putting weight on, but fat weight not muscly weight which is getting me down too.  And I’m then comfort eating.  I really don’t remember ever feeling this sad, and negative.  I’m a positive person,  I don’t want to be negative.

So after 15 minutes of sobbing, we decided I was going on anti depressants, with an appointment to go back in 4 weeks, to see how I’m doing.

I’ve been on them a week now, and the side effects have been awful.  I have had the worst tummy ever, and I’ve wanted to hide.  Luckily I’ve been able to work from home, so stayed close to the bathroom, and didn’t have to deal with people, and I got lots of work done, which made me feel calmer.  And things are starting to settle down now, and I am starting to feel better already!  I haven’t cried once all week.  

On Friday I went to the hospital! Apparently I’m a little miracle! All my nasties in my blood have settled, and my kidney function has improved by 20%! He’s really happy with how well I’ve done and is going to reduce my steroids so that I won’t be taking any within 6 months!  I still have to deal with the day to day crap Lupus brings and my dodgy leg, but I am sooooo very happy my kidney is ok just now! 

Today I decided I’m ready to get back to my happy positive self now!   This morning we went for a walk, just a 20 minute one, but it was a start, and we have spent the rest of the day in the garden!   I’ve discovered it’s very therapeutic weeding while sat down, and shuffling along the path on my bum!  
We’ve eaten outside all day, watching the bees and butterflies fluttering about, listening to the birds singing, and the neighbours children playing in their garden!  
And I’m going to make an effort to go for a walk every evening – I’m knackered anyway, I might as well have a proper reason to be!  

I’ve got 2 weeks left in work till our fortnight off, and I want to be back to happy by then so we can enjoy our time off without me being miserable. 

πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ

This Week!!! Β 

I am in such a mixed up state just now – and more about that in a minute.  First an update on my goals I set last week.

I got halfway there!   3 out of 7 days I kept within my calories, 4 out of 6 days I exercised.  Not great, but a massive improvement from the previous week, so I’m ok with it.

So this week!  Last Friday my boss phoned and asked if I could go to our head office next week. He was supposed to be attending a two day training course, but he’s been called away so wants me to stand in.

Now – I’ve travelled with my job for the past 5 years, and it’s never been an issue, and I love learning new stuff, so that’s good.

The mixed up ness?  Well, this is the first time away from home since I came out of hospital, my first time away from hubby and my son, and I’m scared.  I don’t know why, I have no idea what I think could happen, but I can’t stop crying.  I know I will be fine, it’s something I’ve done so many times before, and my health has been settled since I came home, so nothing is going to kick off there just because I’m away from home.   I’m going to miss my two so much!  

There’s also the brain fog, and the anxiety and lack of confidence that comes with the Lupus, will I be able to walk into a room with a load of strangers?  Will I be able to learn this new system?  Will I remember how to get there?  Will I be able to handle the 4 hour journey, with suitcase and laptop?   And do it all again coming home?  

I’ve also got to now do a weeks worth of work in 2 days, so once I’m back in the office tomorrow I’m not going to have much chance to stress, not till I get to Tuesday evening anyway.

Today – I’ve been out for my C25K, I’m on to week 3 now, and the rest of the day will be spent emotionally eating.

Oh – and one more thing – our head office is in London ………

I’m turning in to a moaning Minnie!Β 

So today!  It’s been too hot!!   I have always loved the heat and the sun, I’m more than happy to be out in my garden from first thing, till last thing!!  I love the summer!  

But that’s all changed now, with my dodgy skin, and meds that make me sensitive to the sun! 
Today I discovered

  1.  I’m going to become one of those people that complains about the heat
  2. I need to take my sun cream to work with me – the 15 minute walk home left my arm and leg burning.
  3. It’s all well and good being told I can run, but there’s not a chance I’m going to in this heat!
  4. Heat makes me sleep less, so I’ve been tired today, and very weepy, every time someone came to see me in work I burst into tears – luckily they all know I’m a loon! 
  5. I’m a little bit scared about starting my new tablets – that’s one of the things that set me off crying.
  6. It’s going to be a very long summer!

But at least it’s Friday tomorrow! 

πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

Crazy week done and dusted!

I am so glad this week is over, it’s all been a bit of a blur.

Work was crazy, covering for my boss while he was on holiday, training a new member of staff by phone, as she’s based in an office the other end of the country, and trying to get everything up to date before I finished on Friday for a week off.

All that on top of a few hospital appointments, several tests, several lots of bloods taken, a flu jab, and a pneumonia jab, all in preparation for me starting a new medication they want to try me with.

Had a few wobbly moments – Tuesday mainly,  when I spent all day crying and feeling sorry for myself, my tablets all feel quite settled just now so why are they messing about with them, why can’t they just leave me alone, I wish it would all just go away and I could be normal again!  

Wednesday I was very tired as I hadn’t slept well, but gave myself a good talking to – it’s happening, get over it, and get on with it, no point being miserable too.  Positive thought helped along with eating my way through the day.

So the rest of the week was much happier, got everything I needed to do done, and this morning I’ve spent being pampered by my most wonderful hairdresser who I love.  

An hour with him, and I feel calm, relaxed, and gorgeous (this is a very rare feeling for me, and normally only happens after my 6 weekly appointment).  I have been trying to grow my hair, and it’s just not happening, it’s been looking scraggly and messy, so now back to short, and styled, and dyed a lot lighter than normal.  A new me for the summer.

Oh and I nearly forgot!  Doc said I can start running again, as long as I’m sensible and build back up gradually doing the walk/run C25K, so I’m going to try and see how that goes over the next week.

Looking forward to our week off, nothing much planned, just going to go out for days locally, and relax.  Might try a different type of blog and just show lots of pics rather than rambling on for hours.

Enjoy your weekends 
πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

Today I cried!

So today I cried, then I cried a bit more, and just in case I hadn’t cried enough – I cried some more

I cried because I was tired

I cried because my leg hurt

I cried because I’m struggling with work

I cried because I have Lupus

I cried because I will most probably never run a marathon

I cried because I ate too much chocolate yesterday

I cried because I was frightened on Thursday as I had fluid retention.

I cried because I was fed up

I  cried because I want to be normal again

I cried because all this crap happened to me

I cried because it was sunny and I can’t sit out in it anymore

It was needed!  Hopefully I’ve now got it out of my system till the next time I have a meltdown!

πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

Today’s a bad day

So!  Today I’ve woken up in a lot of pain!  My legs are hurting, my boobs are, my teeth are, and I’ve got a headache!

I didn’t have to get up till 10am today!  But no – 6am and I was wide awake.

I know what’s up!  I’m going out this evening!  My old manager is retiring and we are off out for a posh meal!  And I know I will have a lovely time, but ever since I’ve been ill, my confidence is shot!  And I’m all of a dither about meeting up with people I haven’t seen for ages and being in a social situation again!  And having to stay awake past 9pm!

Completely and utterly stupid I know, but that’s me just now!

And the way I will cope with today!  My makeup will be as good as it gets, my hair – well not much I can say about my hair – I will make the most of it, and I will eat my way through today!  I did a quiz once that said I wasn’t an emotional eater!  Yeah right!!!
πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™