Trying to run again

The last few weekends I’ve been out ‘running’ and when I say running I actually mean power walking with a few attempts at a very slow jog.

The two times I’ve been out have been completely different experiences.

The first time was wonderful and magical and exciting.

I have always loved running with all my heart, and I have missed it so very much. Going out and actually putting a bit of speed into my walk was …… I don’t even have the words for how I felt – it was just so good! It reminded of how much I enjoy it, how free I feel, how all my troubles fall away! And I’ve got so many more now – running is needed.

I was on a high for the rest of the day.

The second time I went out – it was painful! Nothing felt right, my walking was off, and when I did attempt to jog, it actually felt like I’d forgotten how to run. My legs hurt, my chest was tight, even my neck and shoulders hurt.

It was horrible and I was so glad it was over. I spent the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself!

It’s taken me a few days to write this as it really upset me – my running is the one thing I’m holding on to – in my mixed up head I think if I can run again everything will be better.

I know it won’t! And I know that I will never run again like I used to! But it still hurt knowing how far away I am from any normality.

Anyway – next weekend I will go out again! I need to get the feeling of the first time out back into my heart, not the second time.

I’m not one to say never, being a stubborn madam, so let’s just wait and see what happens next time.

πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ

Instagram. #michelle1969

Advertisements

It wasn’t pretty!

Week 1.

16stone 1.5lb.

4 stone 1.5lb to goal

15lb +.

48000 steps

Well I went! And it was as bad as I’d known it would be! 15lb on since I last went before Christmas!

But I was ok,

I never wobbled when I stepped on the scales

I never wobbled while I helped out with the newbies

I never wobbled as I sold the raffle tickets

And all was good!

Until our consultant came to me first, and started talking about what a tough couple of months I’d had!

I told her – don’t – I’ll cry, but hey ho! We are there to share, and I cried!

Rest of the class was fine, everyone had done well, and as always I was proud of them!

And I love seeing them all and having a natter!

Rest of the day was spent coming to terms with how far I’ve got to go, I’ve actually got to lose 12.5lb before I get back to my original start weight!

But I’m determined this time. I read something the other day that the main cause of death fir us Lupies is actually weight related issues, and I quite like living so the weight is coming off!

I’ve been out for a walk both days, today I even jogged for a bit, which was THE most amazing feeling!

Soup & lunches prepared for the week, evening meals planned!

This week will be a success!

Enjoy yours, whatever you’re up to!

πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ

Instagram #michelle1969

A Positive Week Needed

Had a bit of a crappy week last week! Had a really upset tummy, and very little energy or motivation!

Worked from home all week and pretty much avoided as many people as possible.

Had some tests at the doctors, and just waiting for the results to see if I have an infection or not! Because of some of the tablets I’m on, if it is an infection, it will floor me! Such fun!

Anyway – my eating wasn’t completely on plan, didn’t eat anywhere near enough fruit and veg, and had two takeaways. I did pick the “healthy” option though, so a small victory there.

I was dreading Saturday but I actually lost a 1lb! More than happy! Definitely felt like I’d been let off with that one.

So off I went to get my hair cut, happy as a happy thing, and my hairdresser worked his usual magic on me. I always without fail feel gorgeous when I leave him, even if that feeling only lasts a while, it is such a good feeling! I’ve gone blonde as well, which is a bit of a shock, but hey, I’ve never been known to stay the same colour for too long!

This week – I’m going to make a really big effort! Food will be good, I will go into the office, and get some extra steps in, and I will stay as happy as possible!

I’ve had a bit of a tidy up too! Cleared some more books away, cried a bit when I put my running books away, but I will get them out again one day, I have to, I can’t think that I will never run again.

Looks like we are about to go into autumn very quickly, weather is horrible, but that just means snugly nights, and warming casseroles, all good!

And fingers crossed, my bug doesn’t last much longer!

Have a good week everyone

πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ

Putting my Goals Out There!Β 

I’m struggling with sticking to a proper & regular exercise plan, so I’m declaring my goals publically in the hope that being accountable will make me shift myself.
So my goals for this week

  1. To do 30 minutes of exercise ever day – except Saturday
  2. To stick with in my calorie allowance

I’m just doing this week by week, one week at a time for now, till I get back into a routine

Benefits

  1. I will be happier
  2. I will sleep better
  3. I will like my legs again
  4. I won’t be in so much pain
  5. I will lose weight 
  6. I will tone up
  7. I will be happier – this one needs mentioning twice as it’s the most important one, and exercise does make me so much happier.

I will let you know next week how I got on.

πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

I’m turning in to a moaning Minnie!Β 

So today!  It’s been too hot!!   I have always loved the heat and the sun, I’m more than happy to be out in my garden from first thing, till last thing!!  I love the summer!  

But that’s all changed now, with my dodgy skin, and meds that make me sensitive to the sun! 
Today I discovered

  1.  I’m going to become one of those people that complains about the heat
  2. I need to take my sun cream to work with me – the 15 minute walk home left my arm and leg burning.
  3. It’s all well and good being told I can run, but there’s not a chance I’m going to in this heat!
  4. Heat makes me sleep less, so I’ve been tired today, and very weepy, every time someone came to see me in work I burst into tears – luckily they all know I’m a loon! 
  5. I’m a little bit scared about starting my new tablets – that’s one of the things that set me off crying.
  6. It’s going to be a very long summer!

But at least it’s Friday tomorrow! 

πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

Crazy week done and dusted!

I am so glad this week is over, it’s all been a bit of a blur.

Work was crazy, covering for my boss while he was on holiday, training a new member of staff by phone, as she’s based in an office the other end of the country, and trying to get everything up to date before I finished on Friday for a week off.

All that on top of a few hospital appointments, several tests, several lots of bloods taken, a flu jab, and a pneumonia jab, all in preparation for me starting a new medication they want to try me with.

Had a few wobbly moments – Tuesday mainly,  when I spent all day crying and feeling sorry for myself, my tablets all feel quite settled just now so why are they messing about with them, why can’t they just leave me alone, I wish it would all just go away and I could be normal again!  

Wednesday I was very tired as I hadn’t slept well, but gave myself a good talking to – it’s happening, get over it, and get on with it, no point being miserable too.  Positive thought helped along with eating my way through the day.

So the rest of the week was much happier, got everything I needed to do done, and this morning I’ve spent being pampered by my most wonderful hairdresser who I love.  

An hour with him, and I feel calm, relaxed, and gorgeous (this is a very rare feeling for me, and normally only happens after my 6 weekly appointment).  I have been trying to grow my hair, and it’s just not happening, it’s been looking scraggly and messy, so now back to short, and styled, and dyed a lot lighter than normal.  A new me for the summer.

Oh and I nearly forgot!  Doc said I can start running again, as long as I’m sensible and build back up gradually doing the walk/run C25K, so I’m going to try and see how that goes over the next week.

Looking forward to our week off, nothing much planned, just going to go out for days locally, and relax.  Might try a different type of blog and just show lots of pics rather than rambling on for hours.

Enjoy your weekends 
πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

Walking before I can run! Β Literally!Β 

So this weekend I’ve finally come to terms with not being ready to start running again!

I was struggling with the C25K while I was still off work, but now I’m back – its way too much.  It had taken me 7 weeks to get to week 3 on the program.

This last weekend, I’ve done nothing!  We went for a walk to my happy place on Friday (the seaside) and that’s all!  The rest of the weekend, I’ve slept, eaten, and watched TV.  And that’s after 4 weeks back at work part time.  It’s just going to get harder – it’s my first week back full time next week!

I’ve also got the added extra that my leg is dodgy, and I’m not sure I should be running with my tender kidney!

I’ve got my first appointment with neurology on 29th April – so will hopefully have some sort of idea what’s up with my leg after that, and I’ve got my next appointment with Nephrology on 9th May – so will ask then if I can actually try running again.

Until then – I’m going to concentrate on getting back to work, and if I have any energy I will do some strength training as that was helping when I was doing it regularly.

I’m also going to be as good as gold with my food – no emotional eating just because I want to run.

And I will try really, really hard to control my running envy and not snarl at the runners going past my window!
πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

My true love!

I have realised that my first two posts have been a bit negative, and I’m really not a negative person!  Quite the opposite actually!  I can find a positive side to pretty much anything!

 

So today I’m going to tell you about my true love!  Running!

 

I discovered running 11 years ago!  I’d lost a lot of weight swimming, and wanted to try something different!  So I tried running!  It was before the days of C25K’s, so I started off running between lampposts & fell head over heels in love with that magical feeling.

 

Since then, I’ve ran on and off with random breaks, but always missed it enough to want to get back to it!

 

I’ve entered a few 5k, 10k races, and one half marathon!

 

And now I’m attempting to get back to it, after almost 6 months – the longest break I’ve ever had – and I have missed it so much!   I’m having to take it really slow, I’ve been following a C25K for 6 weeks now, and I’ve just done week 3, day 2 – so that’s how slow I’m progressing.  Oh but what a feeling!  It’s the toughest thing ever, but so good to just run for 3 minutes!

 

So – running to me!  It’s my time!  When I’m out there, I’m not a wife, a mum, a colleague, or a worker, I’m not a daughter or a friend, I’m just me!  Sometimes I run with music on, and get lost listening to my favourite songs, other times – mainly when I run early in the morning – I listen to the world around me, the birds tweeting, the breeze rustling through the leaves, the distant hum of a lone car.  I get lost in my thoughts, I put the world to rights, I run off my sadness, or I concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, or I run just for the pure joy of it, or because the sun is shining! (Although I do love to run in the rain!)

 

I’m never going to break any records, I’m a plodder, and now with my dodgy kidney, it’s highly unlikely I will run the marathon I had always hoped to one day!  But I will continue, and I will get back to running 5k again on a regular basis, I love it too much to stop!
πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

A Bit About Me!

26th March 2017

Up until last October, I was quite normal!  I am married, we have one son, almost 2o years old.  I have a full time job which I love.  I try and eat healthy most of the time & I loved to – that was my thing!  I’d tried lots of other different things, but soon became bored – running is the only thing I’ve stuck with for so long (about 11 years now) .

Then bang!  My whole life was turned upside down!  I was admitted to hospital with water retention- I’d put on 20lb of fluid over the weekend, and figured I should get it checked out!   I was kept in to have a kidney biopsy to find out what was going wrong!  This all went to plan, but afterwards it wouldn’t stop bleeding! Three ops, and four days later, I had one kidney less, and the other one wasn’t working anymore & I was put on dialysis.    Had a couple of blood transfusions as I lost so much blood, and hubby was told a couple of times I wasn’t going to make it.

9 weeks later,  I’d had numerous infections, an allergic reaction to antibiotics which resulted in me getting Steven Johnsons syndrome (a life threatening skin condition which resulted in me shedding my skin), pneumonia, c-dif, I’d been in ICT, HDU, and several other wards in between.  I’d lost 2 stone in weight (as well as the 20lb fluid) , and lots of muscle wastage, could barely walk with out sticks, and I got to go home the day before Christmas Eve!

The last few months have been spent building my strength back up, and try to get back to normal.  I have now been diagnosed with Lupus, and am constantly at the hospital seeing one consultant or the other – they are treating me with kid gloves as I went through so much while in hospital.

And now I’m starting back to work, and trying to run again.

This blog  will be my ramblings – happy and sad,  my feelings and thoughts.

I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I’m going to enjoy writing them.

 

PS I’m not a writer, I’m not particularly witty or entertaining- and this could end up very boring – I’m just me 😊
πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™