I’m in a proper strop with myself this weekend. I’m not used to not being able to do everything and I’m struggling just now.
Before I went back to work, I’d got in to a nice routine – getting up early, doing some exercise, either strength training or power walking, doing a bit of housework, watching some quizzes on TV, and cooking healthy meals, and I felt good, and was getting stronger by the day, sleeping properly and generally happy.
But being back at work has completely floored me. I’m shattered, especially now I’ve finished the phased return and am back full time. I’m not doing any exercise, and I’m eating crap, and feel crap.
Now I do know it’s going to get better, but it is so frustrating, and I’m feeling really fed up about it all.
But time to think positively! I know I’m not ready to run yet, but the strength training was really helping – I’ve noticed my leg is a lot more painful since I’ve stopped, so I need to get back to doing that regularly.
And I need to get back to eating healthily – so I’m going for a kick start! This is my next three weeks.
- No sweets
- No cake
- No chips
- No white bread
- No fast food
- No chocolate
- No ice cream
- No crisps
I’ve made a nice big salad for lunch tomorrow, I have brown bread ready for my breakfast, and I have enough quick, healthy meals I can fall back on to get me through the next week. They need to be quick so that I can do my exercises when I get in from work, and still eat before it gets too late.
This is the plan anyway………
I’ve been trying to work out why I started writing here! I’m a FB addict, and put my life on there, or a lot of it anyway. I love to share. Everyone knew there was something up when I stopped posting for a few days and worried about me! So why do I need to do it here too?
I think its because I need a secret place to tell my story, I haven’t told anyone I know about my blog, other than hubby, and only told him two days ago!
Some of the things I have been through, and some of the things going on in my head – I’m not ready to share with my family and friends, they went through enough without me putting them through more. Now don’t get me wrong, they are there for me, but I want to protect them I suppose.
They tell me little things about how they felt, and what they did, and I know how much they love me and worry about me and I want to protect them – so just for now – I’m not going to share my thoughts, some of which would get me sectioned, and I will continue posting here, telling my story, both the good and bad bits.
And continue to be shocked that people are already reading this!
Thank you for that 💙💙💙
So today I cried, then I cried a bit more, and just in case I hadn’t cried enough – I cried some more
I cried because I was tired
I cried because my leg hurt
I cried because I’m struggling with work
I cried because I have Lupus
I cried because I will most probably never run a marathon
I cried because I ate too much chocolate yesterday
I cried because I was frightened on Thursday as I had fluid retention.
I cried because I was fed up
I cried because I want to be normal again
I cried because all this crap happened to me
I cried because it was sunny and I can’t sit out in it anymore
It was needed! Hopefully I’ve now got it out of my system till the next time I have a meltdown!
So! Today I’ve woken up in a lot of pain! My legs are hurting, my boobs are, my teeth are, and I’ve got a headache!
I didn’t have to get up till 10am today! But no – 6am and I was wide awake.
I know what’s up! I’m going out this evening! My old manager is retiring and we are off out for a posh meal! And I know I will have a lovely time, but ever since I’ve been ill, my confidence is shot! And I’m all of a dither about meeting up with people I haven’t seen for ages and being in a social situation again! And having to stay awake past 9pm!
Completely and utterly stupid I know, but that’s me just now!
And the way I will cope with today! My makeup will be as good as it gets, my hair – well not much I can say about my hair – I will make the most of it, and I will eat my way through today! I did a quiz once that said I wasn’t an emotional eater! Yeah right!!!