I’m turning in to a moaning Minnie!Β 

So today!  It’s been too hot!!   I have always loved the heat and the sun, I’m more than happy to be out in my garden from first thing, till last thing!!  I love the summer!  

But that’s all changed now, with my dodgy skin, and meds that make me sensitive to the sun! 
Today I discovered

  1.  I’m going to become one of those people that complains about the heat
  2. I need to take my sun cream to work with me – the 15 minute walk home left my arm and leg burning.
  3. It’s all well and good being told I can run, but there’s not a chance I’m going to in this heat!
  4. Heat makes me sleep less, so I’ve been tired today, and very weepy, every time someone came to see me in work I burst into tears – luckily they all know I’m a loon! 
  5. I’m a little bit scared about starting my new tablets – that’s one of the things that set me off crying.
  6. It’s going to be a very long summer!

But at least it’s Friday tomorrow! 

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My week off!

So my week off didn’t go to plan!   

Turns out I can’t do as much as I used to! But never mind, still did lots, and still had a wonderful, relaxing break! 
 
I also promised pictures, so pictures I will add! 

We took the week off as it was hubby’s birthday, and we celebrated with lots of food!  Meals out & takeaways!  


We visited two local seaside reaorts!


 
Played on a pirate ship

Had the nicest ice cream – Jaffa cake flavour


Played on a swing


 Celebrated Mum’s 70th birthday – with more food


And slept lots!    Most of our days out were actually mornings out, followed by a snooze, which has actually made our time appear longer.

Oh and I got a new Tattoo!  A purple butterfly to signify Lupus awareness

So, yes, a good week off, and really don’t want to go back tomorrow! 

Unfortunately the only lottery win I had was a lucky dip ticket! 

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Crazy week done and dusted!

I am so glad this week is over, it’s all been a bit of a blur.

Work was crazy, covering for my boss while he was on holiday, training a new member of staff by phone, as she’s based in an office the other end of the country, and trying to get everything up to date before I finished on Friday for a week off.

All that on top of a few hospital appointments, several tests, several lots of bloods taken, a flu jab, and a pneumonia jab, all in preparation for me starting a new medication they want to try me with.

Had a few wobbly moments – Tuesday mainly,  when I spent all day crying and feeling sorry for myself, my tablets all feel quite settled just now so why are they messing about with them, why can’t they just leave me alone, I wish it would all just go away and I could be normal again!  

Wednesday I was very tired as I hadn’t slept well, but gave myself a good talking to – it’s happening, get over it, and get on with it, no point being miserable too.  Positive thought helped along with eating my way through the day.

So the rest of the week was much happier, got everything I needed to do done, and this morning I’ve spent being pampered by my most wonderful hairdresser who I love.  

An hour with him, and I feel calm, relaxed, and gorgeous (this is a very rare feeling for me, and normally only happens after my 6 weekly appointment).  I have been trying to grow my hair, and it’s just not happening, it’s been looking scraggly and messy, so now back to short, and styled, and dyed a lot lighter than normal.  A new me for the summer.

Oh and I nearly forgot!  Doc said I can start running again, as long as I’m sensible and build back up gradually doing the walk/run C25K, so I’m going to try and see how that goes over the next week.

Looking forward to our week off, nothing much planned, just going to go out for days locally, and relax.  Might try a different type of blog and just show lots of pics rather than rambling on for hours.

Enjoy your weekends 
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Disaster of a Tea! Β 

I have a new toy!  A pressure cooker/slow cooker thing!  And I’m practising with it at the moment!  We’ve had two really nice meals so far, a beef casserole & chicken and chorizo risotto!  Both really easy to do, and both very tasty.

This weeks recipe selection was pulled pork!  And I have been so very excited about it!  All week!  This is how sad I am!  

So, in it went! Cooker set up as per instructions, and left to cook for the stated hour!  

To go with this, we had coleslaw, flat breads, and homemade paprika wedges.

Everything was ready – just had to shred the pork, mix it with the BBQ sauce, and dish up!

Opened the cooker and there was this uncooked, fatty, slimy, piece of muck!  Competely inedible! 

Takeaway ordered!  

Might give that one a miss in future!  
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Today’s MotivationΒ 

Yesterday I had an appointment with a neurologist to see about the problems I’ve been having with my leg!  

After sticking a few pins in my thigh and not being able to feel it – I could on the other thigh – he diagnosed Meralgia Paresthetica, which is compression of the lateral femoral cutaneous nerve – apparently! 

 He thinks it should fix quite easily, he has a few things he can do – the first one was a nerve block injection, which I had yesterday, then it will be medication, and finally a small op to remove the nerve.

Pretty much as soon as he gave me the injection, it started to feel better, not perfect, but certainly an improvement so I will take that.

When I got home – being a geek – I looked it up! Other suggestions included wearing looser clothing, losing weight, and certain strengthening exercises.

So that’s my motivation! If losing weight and exercising will help reduce the pain in my leg, I will do it. I actually enjoy exercising, just got myself in to a really bad rut at the moment, and hoping this is the kick start I need to get me back into a routine.
I got up this morning, did my workout, had breakfast, and then went for a walk. All a good start. And I’m determined to keep it up! I had also said to hubby that I’d noticed my leg had got worse since I’ve been back to work and not exercising – so I know it will help.  

And I had my first weigh-in after starting my 21 day of not eating rubbish – and I’d lost 4lb. YaY me!   

This is the frame of mind I need to keep! Positive, active, healthy! It’s all going to help!
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In a Proper Strop!

I’m in a proper strop with myself this weekend.  I’m not used to not being able to do everything and I’m struggling just now.
Before I went back to work, I’d got in to a nice routine – getting up early, doing some exercise, either strength training or power walking, doing a bit of housework, watching some quizzes on TV, and cooking healthy meals, and I felt good, and was getting stronger by the day, sleeping properly and generally happy.
But being back at work has completely floored me.  I’m shattered, especially now I’ve finished the phased return and am back full time.  I’m not doing any exercise, and I’m eating crap, and feel crap.  
Now I do know it’s going to get better, but it is so frustrating, and I’m feeling really fed up about it all.
But time to think positively!  I know I’m not ready to run yet, but the strength training was really helping – I’ve noticed my leg is a lot more painful since I’ve stopped, so I need to get back to doing that regularly.  

And I need to get back to eating healthily – so I’m going for a kick start!  This is my next three weeks.

  • No sweets
  • No cake
  • No chips
  • No white bread
  • No fast food
  • No chocolate
  • No ice cream
  • No crisps

I’ve made a nice big salad for lunch tomorrow, I have brown bread ready for my breakfast, and I have enough quick, healthy meals I can fall back on to get me through the next week.   They need to be quick so that I can do my exercises when I get in from work, and still eat before it gets too late.  
This is the plan anyway………
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Lessons Learnt

I’ve been reading a couple of “Celebrity” books lately!  Celebrities sharing their struggles & how they’ve coped with certain things in their lives, and a few things have struck a chord! 

The first one – don’t judge people, don’t comment on something you don’t like, if you don’t like it, keep your thoughts to yourself!    You don’t know how that person is feeling,  and a negative comment from you could be really hurtful!   

Now I’m not one to comment very often, I know I would be distraught if someone said something horrible to me, but in my mind, the thoughts are there sometimes.

And I remembered this when I was travelling to work today.  I saw a young lady, dressed very smartly, wearing a trouser suit – and shiny silver brogues!  And my first thought wasn’t very nice.  But I pulled myself up about it, and thought differently.  Actually – good on her for liking something out of the ordinary, and for having the confidence to wear them.

The second one – pay people random compliments – it’s a nice thing to do, and will make you smile, as well as the person you are complimenting hopefully.    This one I’m going to do more often, I like this idea very much.

And the third one – love your body!  Not in a superficial way, not how it looks, or how clothes look on you – although if you’re happy with this, then go for it.  But in a deeper way, love how your body works, what it does on a daily basis, how it adapts to all the different things you throw at it, how it copes with illnesses, and operations, and pregnancies.  How it gets you through bad choices – when you neglect it, and eat rubbish, or smoke or drink. 

I felt like this a few years ago, when I watched how amazingly my body healed after having an operation, how I grew stronger every day, and got back to my running, and back to normal.  I have however forgotten how amazing it is recently, feeling quite sad about what I can’t do just now, and I need to remember what I have been through and how much progress I have made.  
One of the suggestions was to write a letter entitled “Dear Body….”  and write down exactly what you are thankful for!   That might just be my next post ….

Until then – be nice, be happy, and share the positives.
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Walking before I can run! Β Literally!Β 

So this weekend I’ve finally come to terms with not being ready to start running again!

I was struggling with the C25K while I was still off work, but now I’m back – its way too much.  It had taken me 7 weeks to get to week 3 on the program.

This last weekend, I’ve done nothing!  We went for a walk to my happy place on Friday (the seaside) and that’s all!  The rest of the weekend, I’ve slept, eaten, and watched TV.  And that’s after 4 weeks back at work part time.  It’s just going to get harder – it’s my first week back full time next week!

I’ve also got the added extra that my leg is dodgy, and I’m not sure I should be running with my tender kidney!

I’ve got my first appointment with neurology on 29th April – so will hopefully have some sort of idea what’s up with my leg after that, and I’ve got my next appointment with Nephrology on 9th May – so will ask then if I can actually try running again.

Until then – I’m going to concentrate on getting back to work, and if I have any energy I will do some strength training as that was helping when I was doing it regularly.

I’m also going to be as good as gold with my food – no emotional eating just because I want to run.

And I will try really, really hard to control my running envy and not snarl at the runners going past my window!
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My Secret Place!

I’ve been trying to work out why I started writing here!  I’m a FB addict, and put my life on there, or a lot of it anyway.  I love to share.  Everyone knew there was something up when I stopped posting for a few days and worried about me!  So why do I need to do it here too?

I think its because I need a secret place to tell my story, I haven’t told anyone I know about my blog, other than hubby, and only told him two days ago!

Some  of the things I have been through, and some of the things going on in my head – I’m not ready to share with my family and friends, they went through enough without me putting them through more.  Now don’t get me wrong, they are there for me, but I want to protect them I suppose.

They tell me little things about how they felt, and what they did, and I know how much they love me and worry about me and I want to protect them – so just for now – I’m not going to share my thoughts, some of which would get me sectioned, and I will continue posting here, telling my story, both the good and bad bits.

And continue to be shocked that people are already reading this!

 

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My true love!

I have realised that my first two posts have been a bit negative, and I’m really not a negative person!  Quite the opposite actually!  I can find a positive side to pretty much anything!

 

So today I’m going to tell you about my true love!  Running!

 

I discovered running 11 years ago!  I’d lost a lot of weight swimming, and wanted to try something different!  So I tried running!  It was before the days of C25K’s, so I started off running between lampposts & fell head over heels in love with that magical feeling.

 

Since then, I’ve ran on and off with random breaks, but always missed it enough to want to get back to it!

 

I’ve entered a few 5k, 10k races, and one half marathon!

 

And now I’m attempting to get back to it, after almost 6 months – the longest break I’ve ever had – and I have missed it so much!   I’m having to take it really slow, I’ve been following a C25K for 6 weeks now, and I’ve just done week 3, day 2 – so that’s how slow I’m progressing.  Oh but what a feeling!  It’s the toughest thing ever, but so good to just run for 3 minutes!

 

So – running to me!  It’s my time!  When I’m out there, I’m not a wife, a mum, a colleague, or a worker, I’m not a daughter or a friend, I’m just me!  Sometimes I run with music on, and get lost listening to my favourite songs, other times – mainly when I run early in the morning – I listen to the world around me, the birds tweeting, the breeze rustling through the leaves, the distant hum of a lone car.  I get lost in my thoughts, I put the world to rights, I run off my sadness, or I concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, or I run just for the pure joy of it, or because the sun is shining! (Although I do love to run in the rain!)

 

I’m never going to break any records, I’m a plodder, and now with my dodgy kidney, it’s highly unlikely I will run the marathon I had always hoped to one day!  But I will continue, and I will get back to running 5k again on a regular basis, I love it too much to stop!
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