Travels Done

No weigh in this week – I will get to that later!

I’ve been completely off plan! I was in Paris with work! Had the most amazing time! Felt a lot more comfortable with everyone and actually asked questions, and didn’t mind talking out loud – with the Dream Team anyway – I kept quiet when the guests were there – but that’s a work in progress! Learnt lots too, and also had it confirmed in my mind that I still have an awful lot still to find out.

Food was gorgeous. We never moved out of the hotel, ate, worked and slept there. All meals were buffet based. Breakfast was very continental. Cold meats, cheeses, pastries, yoghurts & fruit. As well as a cooked breakfast of sorts. Lunch and tea was lots of fish, and shell fish for starters, prawns, salmon, tuna, mackerel, squid, as well as oysters & muscles – although I kept away from them! Main meals – more fish, but also meat, veg & roasties, which I had. And then a yummy dessert.

Three very long days! We met for breakfast at 8am, and finished tea at about 10pm.

I was knackered when I got home, and booked Friday off! I really didn’t have the energy & my pains had well and truly kicked off. 3 days spent sat on the settee in agony taking an awful lot of pain killers. Brain fog has been awful too. I’m half way through saying something and I forget what I was saying. I go to do something and have to ask Hubby what it was I wanted to do.

Which is why there was no weigh in, I just couldn’t make it this week.

Food has been pretty bad this weekend too, I’m going with the excuse that I needed lots of stodge for energy but in all honesty I just didn’t have the motivation to think.

Tomorrow I’m back on track! I’m doing extra easy SP which is. Kick start! Got to lose this bloated feeling and motivate myself a bit. I’m in a proper rut. I think it’s got a lot to do with being fed up with all the pain too, but ,in the back of my mind I think the extra weight isn’t helping.

Well and truly all over the place just now!

Anyway – I’m going to see my doctor on Wednesday to talk about pain management and possibly up my antidepressants -they’re having a hard time keeping me happy just now.

And hopefully things will settle down a bit.

Hope you’re all doing well

Till next week



March is Autoimmune Disease Awareness

Now this covers lots of diseases – Fibromyalgia, MS, Lupus …..

Most of them are invisible & happen deep with in us.

I can only talk about Lupus as that’s what I’m learning to live with.

There’s the nasty bits, the big scary bits when it causes my body to attack itself – my kidney, but can attack any of your major organs. This bit is managed by lots of tablets and tests though.

It’s the other things, the daily battles. The constant pain, when it hurts to get up, but it hurts to stay still. The constant fatigue, when I can sleep for a whole day and not feel like I’ve had any. Not helped by it hurting to lie down, so I’m tossing and turning trying to find a way to lie that doesn’t hurt quite as much.

It’s coming home most nights after work in agony, having to go up the stairs on all fours as I haven’t got the strength left in my legs to get me up them. Not moving far from the settee all weekend as I have nothing left to give. Going to bed most nights before 9pm in the hope of getting some sleep.

And then there’s the brain fog. This is the scary thing for me. I will be half way through doing something & I then can’t remember what I was doing. I have to sit, and focus, and concentrate so hard till it comes back to me. I do things and don’t remember doing them, I think I’ve done things when I haven’t. I have notes everywhere reminding me what to do on a daily basis.

Then there’s the dizzy spells, the migraines, the anxiety, depression, the constant crying for no reason, the panic attacks …..

There’s the constant worry that I’m going to pick up a bug – with everything else going on, I have nothing left to fight through an illness too, and unfortunately when the tablets I’m on lower my immune system, I’m going to pick them up!

Every day is a constant battle to stay positive & keep smiling when all I really want to do is curl up in a dark corner and hide away from everything

I’m extremely lucky as I have a brilliant team of Doctors looking after me, and the most wonderful friends and family who know what I go through and support me and encourage me and look out for me. Without all you I would struggle a lot more.

So thank you for listening & for being there 💜💜💜💜

And apologies for the very long waffle.

This Week!!!  

I am in such a mixed up state just now – and more about that in a minute.  First an update on my goals I set last week.

I got halfway there!   3 out of 7 days I kept within my calories, 4 out of 6 days I exercised.  Not great, but a massive improvement from the previous week, so I’m ok with it.

So this week!  Last Friday my boss phoned and asked if I could go to our head office next week. He was supposed to be attending a two day training course, but he’s been called away so wants me to stand in.

Now – I’ve travelled with my job for the past 5 years, and it’s never been an issue, and I love learning new stuff, so that’s good.

The mixed up ness?  Well, this is the first time away from home since I came out of hospital, my first time away from hubby and my son, and I’m scared.  I don’t know why, I have no idea what I think could happen, but I can’t stop crying.  I know I will be fine, it’s something I’ve done so many times before, and my health has been settled since I came home, so nothing is going to kick off there just because I’m away from home.   I’m going to miss my two so much!  

There’s also the brain fog, and the anxiety and lack of confidence that comes with the Lupus, will I be able to walk into a room with a load of strangers?  Will I be able to learn this new system?  Will I remember how to get there?  Will I be able to handle the 4 hour journey, with suitcase and laptop?   And do it all again coming home?  

I’ve also got to now do a weeks worth of work in 2 days, so once I’m back in the office tomorrow I’m not going to have much chance to stress, not till I get to Tuesday evening anyway.

Today – I’ve been out for my C25K, I’m on to week 3 now, and the rest of the day will be spent emotionally eating.

Oh – and one more thing – our head office is in London ………