This Week!!! Β 

I am in such a mixed up state just now – and more about that in a minute.  First an update on my goals I set last week.

I got halfway there!   3 out of 7 days I kept within my calories, 4 out of 6 days I exercised.  Not great, but a massive improvement from the previous week, so I’m ok with it.

So this week!  Last Friday my boss phoned and asked if I could go to our head office next week. He was supposed to be attending a two day training course, but he’s been called away so wants me to stand in.

Now – I’ve travelled with my job for the past 5 years, and it’s never been an issue, and I love learning new stuff, so that’s good.

The mixed up ness?  Well, this is the first time away from home since I came out of hospital, my first time away from hubby and my son, and I’m scared.  I don’t know why, I have no idea what I think could happen, but I can’t stop crying.  I know I will be fine, it’s something I’ve done so many times before, and my health has been settled since I came home, so nothing is going to kick off there just because I’m away from home.   I’m going to miss my two so much!  

There’s also the brain fog, and the anxiety and lack of confidence that comes with the Lupus, will I be able to walk into a room with a load of strangers?  Will I be able to learn this new system?  Will I remember how to get there?  Will I be able to handle the 4 hour journey, with suitcase and laptop?   And do it all again coming home?  

I’ve also got to now do a weeks worth of work in 2 days, so once I’m back in the office tomorrow I’m not going to have much chance to stress, not till I get to Tuesday evening anyway.

Today – I’ve been out for my C25K, I’m on to week 3 now, and the rest of the day will be spent emotionally eating.

Oh – and one more thing – our head office is in London ………

Crazy week done and dusted!

I am so glad this week is over, it’s all been a bit of a blur.

Work was crazy, covering for my boss while he was on holiday, training a new member of staff by phone, as she’s based in an office the other end of the country, and trying to get everything up to date before I finished on Friday for a week off.

All that on top of a few hospital appointments, several tests, several lots of bloods taken, a flu jab, and a pneumonia jab, all in preparation for me starting a new medication they want to try me with.

Had a few wobbly moments – Tuesday mainly,  when I spent all day crying and feeling sorry for myself, my tablets all feel quite settled just now so why are they messing about with them, why can’t they just leave me alone, I wish it would all just go away and I could be normal again!  

Wednesday I was very tired as I hadn’t slept well, but gave myself a good talking to – it’s happening, get over it, and get on with it, no point being miserable too.  Positive thought helped along with eating my way through the day.

So the rest of the week was much happier, got everything I needed to do done, and this morning I’ve spent being pampered by my most wonderful hairdresser who I love.  

An hour with him, and I feel calm, relaxed, and gorgeous (this is a very rare feeling for me, and normally only happens after my 6 weekly appointment).  I have been trying to grow my hair, and it’s just not happening, it’s been looking scraggly and messy, so now back to short, and styled, and dyed a lot lighter than normal.  A new me for the summer.

Oh and I nearly forgot!  Doc said I can start running again, as long as I’m sensible and build back up gradually doing the walk/run C25K, so I’m going to try and see how that goes over the next week.

Looking forward to our week off, nothing much planned, just going to go out for days locally, and relax.  Might try a different type of blog and just show lots of pics rather than rambling on for hours.

Enjoy your weekends 
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Walking before I can run! Β Literally!Β 

So this weekend I’ve finally come to terms with not being ready to start running again!

I was struggling with the C25K while I was still off work, but now I’m back – its way too much.  It had taken me 7 weeks to get to week 3 on the program.

This last weekend, I’ve done nothing!  We went for a walk to my happy place on Friday (the seaside) and that’s all!  The rest of the weekend, I’ve slept, eaten, and watched TV.  And that’s after 4 weeks back at work part time.  It’s just going to get harder – it’s my first week back full time next week!

I’ve also got the added extra that my leg is dodgy, and I’m not sure I should be running with my tender kidney!

I’ve got my first appointment with neurology on 29th April – so will hopefully have some sort of idea what’s up with my leg after that, and I’ve got my next appointment with Nephrology on 9th May – so will ask then if I can actually try running again.

Until then – I’m going to concentrate on getting back to work, and if I have any energy I will do some strength training as that was helping when I was doing it regularly.

I’m also going to be as good as gold with my food – no emotional eating just because I want to run.

And I will try really, really hard to control my running envy and not snarl at the runners going past my window!
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My true love!

I have realised that my first two posts have been a bit negative, and I’m really not a negative person!  Quite the opposite actually!  I can find a positive side to pretty much anything!

 

So today I’m going to tell you about my true love!  Running!

 

I discovered running 11 years ago!  I’d lost a lot of weight swimming, and wanted to try something different!  So I tried running!  It was before the days of C25K’s, so I started off running between lampposts & fell head over heels in love with that magical feeling.

 

Since then, I’ve ran on and off with random breaks, but always missed it enough to want to get back to it!

 

I’ve entered a few 5k, 10k races, and one half marathon!

 

And now I’m attempting to get back to it, after almost 6 months – the longest break I’ve ever had – and I have missed it so much!   I’m having to take it really slow, I’ve been following a C25K for 6 weeks now, and I’ve just done week 3, day 2 – so that’s how slow I’m progressing.  Oh but what a feeling!  It’s the toughest thing ever, but so good to just run for 3 minutes!

 

So – running to me!  It’s my time!  When I’m out there, I’m not a wife, a mum, a colleague, or a worker, I’m not a daughter or a friend, I’m just me!  Sometimes I run with music on, and get lost listening to my favourite songs, other times – mainly when I run early in the morning – I listen to the world around me, the birds tweeting, the breeze rustling through the leaves, the distant hum of a lone car.  I get lost in my thoughts, I put the world to rights, I run off my sadness, or I concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, or I run just for the pure joy of it, or because the sun is shining! (Although I do love to run in the rain!)

 

I’m never going to break any records, I’m a plodder, and now with my dodgy kidney, it’s highly unlikely I will run the marathon I had always hoped to one day!  But I will continue, and I will get back to running 5k again on a regular basis, I love it too much to stop!
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