London! 

We had our trip to London at the beginning of the week!  And what a trip it was!  I love London!  I love the buzz, the hustle & bustle of it all.  I love the variety of people!  I love the speed of the travel, and the busyness of it all.

We travelled mid afternoon on Monday, but made a day of it having lunch out at one of our favourite pubs first.

You will gather from this post that I’m a very excitable traveller and just love holidays! 

The train trip from Liverpool to London was quiet, non eventful, but lots of people watching was done, and snacking!  I have to have snacks on a train for some reason.  

And then we reached Euston and my fun began!  The Tube!   The experience is just amazing!  I could quite happily jump on and off all day travelling to different stations, up and down the escalators, more people watching, but off we went to the hotel instead.

We were staying out by The Excel!  Hotel was very basic, but spotlessly clean, we’d bought some sandwiches and had a picnic on the bed!  Then went out for a walk – I was tired, so wanted an early night and decided to just explore locally.

Close by was Royal Victoria Dock, a lovely area,   several small cafes & restaurants, lots of posh flats overlooking the dock, more people watching – there were lots of joggers out and about, and I suffer from running envy, and watch with fascination different styles.

There was a bridge over the dock, very odd bridge, it looked like it was suspended in the air.  Either side was a staircase within a tower, and the bridge hung above this.  We climbed up, mainly to see the view, only to discover that it overlooked London City Airport runway!  That was me gone!!  I love planes!!!  So very much!  I didn’t want to ever leave that bridge.  Watching the planes take off and fly over us. I’ve taken one or two (????) pictures!!   Made my night!  

Next day we started off early after a lovely cooked breakfast.  I’m scared of heights, but somewhere in my mixed up mind I’d come to the conclusion that heights can’t be as bad as what I’d gone through in hospital and thought I’d put it to the test while away, so agreed to go on a cable car over the Thames and on The Eye!  Mad woman that I am.   Cable car was fine, with some good views along the Thames!  We then jumped on the Thames Clipper – a water bus that stops off at various different places along the river, and went to The Eye.  Queued for about 15 minutes which wasn’t long enough for my fear to strike.  And I enjoyed most of that too.  Stood up by the window taking pictures, and it was only when we were at the top that I got a bit spooked, but kept a death grip on the rail until we started coming back down again!   Hubby said he was very proud of me! 

Then the madness began.  We had about 7 hours to see the rest of London and see it we did!  All on foot!  We walked from West Minster to the Tower of London, with everything in between.  By the time we got to the Tower I was in agony.  Feet were killing me, legs were cramping, I was so hot and tired it was untrue!   But a sit down for half an hour and a cup of tea and I was fine.  

And then back on the Tube, more snacks purchased and the long journey home.

Got home just after midnight.  Had the most perfect time, loved every second, and would do it all again!  Possibly next year when I’ve recovered from this one!  

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Weird Dream! 

I don’t dream often!  Or at least I don’t remember my dreams!  But just lately I’ve been having some really odd ones! I’m in places I haven’t been to for a long time, I’m with people who I haven’t seen – or thought about for years!  And they are completely mixed up – people in places that aren’t connected.   People in places I visited before I even knew these people!  

Last night was by far the oddest though!  It woke me up!  Frightened!  

Hubby was digging a hole in the garden – to plant a bush I have that’s outgrown it’s pot!  And he came up to tell me he’d found a body!  And what should we do!   I looked towards the hole, and there’s a Sindy doll filling in the hole, fixing the broken plant pot, and placing it back on top of the hole!  

I said to Hubby “that’s our answer – just leave well alone”. 

I do actually know where all the separate bits come from, just not sure how I got them all together in my head

The plant – it does need repotting

The body – too many thrillers on TV

The doll – an advert on TV & dolls freak me out at the best of times!

If there’s anyone out there who knows what dreams mean …..  

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Positivity! 

I read today that depression is one of the symptoms of Lupus!  And it stupidly made me feel better about it!  I have no idea why!  After all the stuff I’ve been through these last 8 months, it’s hardly surprising that it’s all caught up with me, and I need a bit of help to get my positivity back.  But I actually feel guilty for being depressed.  Things are finally starting to improve for me, and while I do have to still deal with the day to day problems, I am getting better at managing them, and my meds seem to be settling down and working now, so I should be as happy as a happy thing!  

But anyway!  That’s just my mixed up head!  

Another example of it – yesterday I told hubby that I’m actually grateful I went through what I did!  I follow a lot of Lupus sites, and so many people say they have trouble being diagnosed, and their doctors don’t take them seriously, and take forever to prescribe medication for them!  At least I was diagnosed very quickly as I was in hospital and they had to figure out what was up with me, and treat me!  

And another good thing – we are now off work for two weeks!  Hoping to get out and about a lot, build my legs up again, and hopefully – with not sitting down at my desk all day – lose a bit of weight too!

Hope you all have a good week

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Excited Muchly! 

I am so excited just now! We are finishing work next Friday for two weeks and we have booked an overnight stay in London!  

I love London!  And it’s years since we have been to stay.

I go there a lot with work, but don’t actually see anything of it!  Just pass through!  

I have asked if I can pack already!! 

We have booked to go on the Eye as well! 😳.  I’m still not sure what possessed me to agree to that one!  I’m petrified of heights!  I’ve also said I’m going on the Emirate cable car!  

I’m a bit nervous about it, as it’s going to be a long couple of days, with lots of walking, but mainly I am giddy with excitement.

Just got to get through the next 5 days – which are going to be busy! The boss is up for a few days, and then I need to make sure I’m up to date before going off.

And an update on my mood – much more settled!  Been over a week now since I’ve cried!  So that’s a positive thing! 

Hope you’re all good! 
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Up and Down

Well, after a sh*tty few weeks at my lowest for a long time I made an appointment with my Doctor, I’d spoken to her on the phone the day before – so she knew what to expect, and she had the tissues ready.  I sat and sobbed, I let it all out, how fed up I am, how annoyed I am with myself, all that crap I’ve been through and now I get depressed!  But I jut don’t know how to get out of this mood, I’m tired so I can’t run, I don’t actually want to walk much, never mind run, I’m crying constantly, I’m eating my way through it, I’m putting weight on, but fat weight not muscly weight which is getting me down too.  And I’m then comfort eating.  I really don’t remember ever feeling this sad, and negative.  I’m a positive person,  I don’t want to be negative.

So after 15 minutes of sobbing, we decided I was going on anti depressants, with an appointment to go back in 4 weeks, to see how I’m doing.

I’ve been on them a week now, and the side effects have been awful.  I have had the worst tummy ever, and I’ve wanted to hide.  Luckily I’ve been able to work from home, so stayed close to the bathroom, and didn’t have to deal with people, and I got lots of work done, which made me feel calmer.  And things are starting to settle down now, and I am starting to feel better already!  I haven’t cried once all week.  

On Friday I went to the hospital! Apparently I’m a little miracle! All my nasties in my blood have settled, and my kidney function has improved by 20%! He’s really happy with how well I’ve done and is going to reduce my steroids so that I won’t be taking any within 6 months!  I still have to deal with the day to day crap Lupus brings and my dodgy leg, but I am sooooo very happy my kidney is ok just now! 

Today I decided I’m ready to get back to my happy positive self now!   This morning we went for a walk, just a 20 minute one, but it was a start, and we have spent the rest of the day in the garden!   I’ve discovered it’s very therapeutic weeding while sat down, and shuffling along the path on my bum!  
We’ve eaten outside all day, watching the bees and butterflies fluttering about, listening to the birds singing, and the neighbours children playing in their garden!  
And I’m going to make an effort to go for a walk every evening – I’m knackered anyway, I might as well have a proper reason to be!  

I’ve got 2 weeks left in work till our fortnight off, and I want to be back to happy by then so we can enjoy our time off without me being miserable. 

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I have no words

Well actually I do now, but for the last two weeks I haven’t.  I have been struggling so much with everything that I’ve not even been able to write here – the safe place I started just to share my deepest feelings and emotions.

So!  I’ve been tired, so unbelievably tired, and two trips away to different offices has floored me!  I’ve been in pain with my joints, I’m struggling to walk up the stairs,  the side effects have kicked in with my new tablets giving me the most awful stomach pains, and upset tummy – not the nicest thing when away and visiting other people.   And the heat!!!  The heat is just unbearable!  And I hate that I can’t go and lie in the sun all day like I used to.  
And I am just so down.  And it’s hurting.  I am such a positive person normally, and I just haven’t got the energy just now.  I can’t exercise, my food has been awful, I’ve put weight on so all my clothes feel tight and uncomfortable. I’m  not sleeping properly, and I’m constantly crying.   My boss actually told one of the girls I was visiting to look after me as I’m not coping just now.    I’m a complete and utter basket case.  I know hubby is struggling with what to do for me too, as he’s never seen me like this, and it hurts that I’m hurting him, but I just can’t shake it.

I don’t remember ever feeling this down, even when I was in hospital for 9 weeks, I kept my positivity, and brightness.

I do know how far I’ve come, and how much better I am, but this just seems continuous, with no end in sight, and I honestly don’t want to do it anymore, I just want to curl up and go to sleep.

I’ve spoken to my consultant, and she thinks it would be a good idea to have a course of anti depressants – my idea just to get me through the next few months, to get me out of this downward spiral that I seem to have gotten myself into – so I’m going to make an appointment to see my doctor this week and hopefully things will start looking up soon.

Watch this space 💜💜💜

Crazy week done and dusted!

I am so glad this week is over, it’s all been a bit of a blur.

Work was crazy, covering for my boss while he was on holiday, training a new member of staff by phone, as she’s based in an office the other end of the country, and trying to get everything up to date before I finished on Friday for a week off.

All that on top of a few hospital appointments, several tests, several lots of bloods taken, a flu jab, and a pneumonia jab, all in preparation for me starting a new medication they want to try me with.

Had a few wobbly moments – Tuesday mainly,  when I spent all day crying and feeling sorry for myself, my tablets all feel quite settled just now so why are they messing about with them, why can’t they just leave me alone, I wish it would all just go away and I could be normal again!  

Wednesday I was very tired as I hadn’t slept well, but gave myself a good talking to – it’s happening, get over it, and get on with it, no point being miserable too.  Positive thought helped along with eating my way through the day.

So the rest of the week was much happier, got everything I needed to do done, and this morning I’ve spent being pampered by my most wonderful hairdresser who I love.  

An hour with him, and I feel calm, relaxed, and gorgeous (this is a very rare feeling for me, and normally only happens after my 6 weekly appointment).  I have been trying to grow my hair, and it’s just not happening, it’s been looking scraggly and messy, so now back to short, and styled, and dyed a lot lighter than normal.  A new me for the summer.

Oh and I nearly forgot!  Doc said I can start running again, as long as I’m sensible and build back up gradually doing the walk/run C25K, so I’m going to try and see how that goes over the next week.

Looking forward to our week off, nothing much planned, just going to go out for days locally, and relax.  Might try a different type of blog and just show lots of pics rather than rambling on for hours.

Enjoy your weekends 
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