The last few weekends I’ve been out ‘running’ and when I say running I actually mean power walking with a few attempts at a very slow jog.
The two times I’ve been out have been completely different experiences.
The first time was wonderful and magical and exciting.
I have always loved running with all my heart, and I have missed it so very much. Going out and actually putting a bit of speed into my walk was …… I don’t even have the words for how I felt – it was just so good! It reminded of how much I enjoy it, how free I feel, how all my troubles fall away! And I’ve got so many more now – running is needed.
I was on a high for the rest of the day.
The second time I went out – it was painful! Nothing felt right, my walking was off, and when I did attempt to jog, it actually felt like I’d forgotten how to run. My legs hurt, my chest was tight, even my neck and shoulders hurt.
It was horrible and I was so glad it was over. I spent the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself!
It’s taken me a few days to write this as it really upset me – my running is the one thing I’m holding on to – in my mixed up head I think if I can run again everything will be better.
I know it won’t! And I know that I will never run again like I used to! But it still hurt knowing how far away I am from any normality.
Anyway – next weekend I will go out again! I need to get the feeling of the first time out back into my heart, not the second time.
I’m not one to say never, being a stubborn madam, so let’s just wait and see what happens next time.