A Positive Week Needed

Had a bit of a crappy week last week! Had a really upset tummy, and very little energy or motivation!

Worked from home all week and pretty much avoided as many people as possible.

Had some tests at the doctors, and just waiting for the results to see if I have an infection or not! Because of some of the tablets I’m on, if it is an infection, it will floor me! Such fun!

Anyway – my eating wasn’t completely on plan, didn’t eat anywhere near enough fruit and veg, and had two takeaways. I did pick the “healthy” option though, so a small victory there.

I was dreading Saturday but I actually lost a 1lb! More than happy! Definitely felt like I’d been let off with that one.

So off I went to get my hair cut, happy as a happy thing, and my hairdresser worked his usual magic on me. I always without fail feel gorgeous when I leave him, even if that feeling only lasts a while, it is such a good feeling! I’ve gone blonde as well, which is a bit of a shock, but hey, I’ve never been known to stay the same colour for too long!

This week – I’m going to make a really big effort! Food will be good, I will go into the office, and get some extra steps in, and I will stay as happy as possible!

I’ve had a bit of a tidy up too! Cleared some more books away, cried a bit when I put my running books away, but I will get them out again one day, I have to, I can’t think that I will never run again.

Looks like we are about to go into autumn very quickly, weather is horrible, but that just means snugly nights, and warming casseroles, all good!

And fingers crossed, my bug doesn’t last much longer!

Have a good week everyone

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Welcome to September!

First things first! Two weeks in to Slimming World and I’ve lost 8lb! Got my first half stone award! And I couldn’t be happier about it!

It has been relatively easy! During the week we are keeping it very simple, ready meals and jacket potatoes! Weekend I’m cooking meals! They have been so simple, and tasty! And hubby is happy with it too!

The rest of the group, are really nice too, can see me making some good friends there!

I’ve also started a “September Self Care” month with a Lupus site I follow! There’s a new “challenge” every day designed to look after and love yourself. I like this! Could be a bit rough some days though, but I’m really going to try hard.

http://www.spoonietalk.com/self-care-september/?utm_campaign=shareaholic&utm_medium=email_this&utm_source=email

Struggling with my health just now though – that sounds a stupid statement as I struggle every day with the Lupus – but this is more. I’ve got such an upset tummy, have had for a week now, and this weekend has been awful! Going to work from home tomorrow and get an appointment at the Docs! Sure it’s nothing to be concerned about, but just a little niggle in the back of my mind is thinking it’s the Lupus attacking another part of my body! So I just need to check it out for reassurance if nothing else!

Anyway – hope you all have a good week!

Much love

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Up and Down

Well, after a sh*tty few weeks at my lowest for a long time I made an appointment with my Doctor, I’d spoken to her on the phone the day before – so she knew what to expect, and she had the tissues ready.  I sat and sobbed, I let it all out, how fed up I am, how annoyed I am with myself, all that crap I’ve been through and now I get depressed!  But I jut don’t know how to get out of this mood, I’m tired so I can’t run, I don’t actually want to walk much, never mind run, I’m crying constantly, I’m eating my way through it, I’m putting weight on, but fat weight not muscly weight which is getting me down too.  And I’m then comfort eating.  I really don’t remember ever feeling this sad, and negative.  I’m a positive person,  I don’t want to be negative.

So after 15 minutes of sobbing, we decided I was going on anti depressants, with an appointment to go back in 4 weeks, to see how I’m doing.

I’ve been on them a week now, and the side effects have been awful.  I have had the worst tummy ever, and I’ve wanted to hide.  Luckily I’ve been able to work from home, so stayed close to the bathroom, and didn’t have to deal with people, and I got lots of work done, which made me feel calmer.  And things are starting to settle down now, and I am starting to feel better already!  I haven’t cried once all week.  

On Friday I went to the hospital! Apparently I’m a little miracle! All my nasties in my blood have settled, and my kidney function has improved by 20%! He’s really happy with how well I’ve done and is going to reduce my steroids so that I won’t be taking any within 6 months!  I still have to deal with the day to day crap Lupus brings and my dodgy leg, but I am sooooo very happy my kidney is ok just now! 

Today I decided I’m ready to get back to my happy positive self now!   This morning we went for a walk, just a 20 minute one, but it was a start, and we have spent the rest of the day in the garden!   I’ve discovered it’s very therapeutic weeding while sat down, and shuffling along the path on my bum!  
We’ve eaten outside all day, watching the bees and butterflies fluttering about, listening to the birds singing, and the neighbours children playing in their garden!  
And I’m going to make an effort to go for a walk every evening – I’m knackered anyway, I might as well have a proper reason to be!  

I’ve got 2 weeks left in work till our fortnight off, and I want to be back to happy by then so we can enjoy our time off without me being miserable. 

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My week off!

So my week off didn’t go to plan!   

Turns out I can’t do as much as I used to! But never mind, still did lots, and still had a wonderful, relaxing break! 
 
I also promised pictures, so pictures I will add! 

We took the week off as it was hubby’s birthday, and we celebrated with lots of food!  Meals out & takeaways!  


We visited two local seaside reaorts!


 
Played on a pirate ship

Had the nicest ice cream – Jaffa cake flavour


Played on a swing


 Celebrated Mum’s 70th birthday – with more food


And slept lots!    Most of our days out were actually mornings out, followed by a snooze, which has actually made our time appear longer.

Oh and I got a new Tattoo!  A purple butterfly to signify Lupus awareness

So, yes, a good week off, and really don’t want to go back tomorrow! 

Unfortunately the only lottery win I had was a lucky dip ticket! 

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Today I cried!

So today I cried, then I cried a bit more, and just in case I hadn’t cried enough – I cried some more

I cried because I was tired

I cried because my leg hurt

I cried because I’m struggling with work

I cried because I have Lupus

I cried because I will most probably never run a marathon

I cried because I ate too much chocolate yesterday

I cried because I was frightened on Thursday as I had fluid retention.

I cried because I was fed up

I  cried because I want to be normal again

I cried because all this crap happened to me

I cried because it was sunny and I can’t sit out in it anymore

It was needed!  Hopefully I’ve now got it out of my system till the next time I have a meltdown!

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Today’s a bad day

So!  Today I’ve woken up in a lot of pain!  My legs are hurting, my boobs are, my teeth are, and I’ve got a headache!

I didn’t have to get up till 10am today!  But no – 6am and I was wide awake.

I know what’s up!  I’m going out this evening!  My old manager is retiring and we are off out for a posh meal!  And I know I will have a lovely time, but ever since I’ve been ill, my confidence is shot!  And I’m all of a dither about meeting up with people I haven’t seen for ages and being in a social situation again!  And having to stay awake past 9pm!

Completely and utterly stupid I know, but that’s me just now!

And the way I will cope with today!  My makeup will be as good as it gets, my hair – well not much I can say about my hair – I will make the most of it, and I will eat my way through today!  I did a quiz once that said I wasn’t an emotional eater!  Yeah right!!!
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A Bit About Me!

26th March 2017

Up until last October, I was quite normal!  I am married, we have one son, almost 2o years old.  I have a full time job which I love.  I try and eat healthy most of the time & I loved to – that was my thing!  I’d tried lots of other different things, but soon became bored – running is the only thing I’ve stuck with for so long (about 11 years now) .

Then bang!  My whole life was turned upside down!  I was admitted to hospital with water retention- I’d put on 20lb of fluid over the weekend, and figured I should get it checked out!   I was kept in to have a kidney biopsy to find out what was going wrong!  This all went to plan, but afterwards it wouldn’t stop bleeding! Three ops, and four days later, I had one kidney less, and the other one wasn’t working anymore & I was put on dialysis.    Had a couple of blood transfusions as I lost so much blood, and hubby was told a couple of times I wasn’t going to make it.

9 weeks later,  I’d had numerous infections, an allergic reaction to antibiotics which resulted in me getting Steven Johnsons syndrome (a life threatening skin condition which resulted in me shedding my skin), pneumonia, c-dif, I’d been in ICT, HDU, and several other wards in between.  I’d lost 2 stone in weight (as well as the 20lb fluid) , and lots of muscle wastage, could barely walk with out sticks, and I got to go home the day before Christmas Eve!

The last few months have been spent building my strength back up, and try to get back to normal.  I have now been diagnosed with Lupus, and am constantly at the hospital seeing one consultant or the other – they are treating me with kid gloves as I went through so much while in hospital.

And now I’m starting back to work, and trying to run again.

This blog  will be my ramblings – happy and sad,  my feelings and thoughts.

I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I’m going to enjoy writing them.

 

PS I’m not a writer, I’m not particularly witty or entertaining- and this could end up very boring – I’m just me 😊
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